By: Tony L. Jefferson, Jr.
Since the beginning of time and possible before, men and women have always been at each other’s throats. There is always a compare and contrast session that often times leads to some very heated arguments. Some of the leading discussions include issues of the heart including but not limited to infidelity, finding Mr. or Ms. right, interracial dating, and the reasons both genders do certain things in relationships. Depending on the number of a certain gender involved in these discussions they often times become one sided.
For example women tend to group all men together as if we’re simple humans with no character traits that would distinguish us from the herd. While this is totally unfair and shows a lack of understanding and communication, some men out there do fit the stereotype. Men tend to think women are always after our material possessions and we also think they are conceited in thinking that every man wants them. While this is erroneous and unfair, there are a few example of this where women will adhere to the stereotype. This isn’t a rant session, but it is an opportunity to explore these differences and attempt to find common ground.
First and foremost we’re all human and we will and do make mistakes, we will adhere to at least one stereotype that the other gender has about us at least one time in our lives. That doesn’t mean we’re going to stick to that forever, but often times on both sides of the coin that label sticks with us longer than we would want it to. It’s not any fault of ours that it stays, we can become immaculate citizens and that label will still be there. It’s the individuals personal past that often creeps into their thinking when they feel that a similar crime has been committed.
The victim role is then played and the person will instead of talking to the person to resolve the issue instantly write them off as just like every other wrong relationship they’ve had. I will admit I am guilty of doing this at times and so are millions of others around the world. I figure if you love a person and you’ve spent a countless amount of time together i.e. more than 8 months, then you should give that person another chance and an opportunity to explain themselves. Unless the circumstances are violent or life threatening, everyone deserves at least the opportunity to explain themselves. It will give you more insight into what the issue is and if you decide not to take said person back, then you have a better understanding of the problem and will more than likely avoid it.
Predetermined judgments are a big killer, sometimes before a relationship can even develop and it further ignites wars between men and women. Your status as a man says a lot about you and often times this is what a woman will go on before considering you for anything. Men have always had to be the providers traditionally and it’s a mindset that everyone has. No matter the independence the lady has, she will at some point want to adhere to the tradition and there is nothing wrong with that unless you are clearly taking advantage of it. The unfairness comes in when a man has a status that appears less than he standard, whatever that may be. The man is not pushing an expensive car, or doesn’t have a place of his own and he is automatically labeled as a loser, good for nothing, and most women will have nothing to do with him. Thing is he might be on the path to accomplishing something bigger and because he was overlooked then, sometime in the near future his status might change for the better and then those same women will be jocking him.
For most women big status equals good man, but that’s not the case. You should get to know the person and talk to them, instead of speeding through life trying to snag the next big thing. Men tend to label women in different ways, while it is good that we have a variety and not just label all women as one brain, the way we label if often times horrendous. What we talk about between the guys will spill into conversations with women and this shouldn’t happen, as a matter of fact, you shouldn’t be labeling women as such anyway, it is unfair, improper, and you wouldn’t want the same to happen to you. The common misconception is if a lady is wearing something provocative in a social setting, she will be labeled as a whore or some similar title. Maybe she’s just fashion conscious, or she just loves to look good. Now because of past experiences unfortunately this titled originated from a few women who actually deserved the title, but not all women do. You might be talking to a CEO of a company or a promising college student, or any possibility. It all boils down to one point, get to know that person before tossing predetermined judgments around.
You don’t have to date them or anything, but it will make the conversations between men and women a lot easier and more understanding of each other will ultimately make for healthier relationships and long lasting marriages. Us as humans have bigger things to worry about than always trying to one up one another, unless it is in a friendly competition. Some of the most heated conversations have arisen from our deep differences, but when you really look at it, men and women tend to do the same things to each other. There are men who look at status and there are women who group men in horrible ways, there are cheaters on both sides of the coin, there are many things that we think are gender specific, but in all honestly women are just as guilty as men and vice versa.
I’m not biased because I am a man; I tend to see both sides of the issue. Unfortunately society has set traditions that have corrupted the minds of people for centuries. Over time once good intentions are getting distorted and abused. There is nothing wrong with being a gentleman and I encourage all men to be one, but I want my women not to abuse the fact that you’re being catered too. You’re just as much an adult as we are and the check should not always have to come from my bank account. Men all women aren’t after your material possessions, some could really care less, instead of focusing on how much money you have try to work on a better personality so you won’t have to always flaunt your material possessions in everyone’s face. Women if you look good we as men are going to compliment you. Now if that comment is derogatory, you have the right to deal with that, but if it has good intentions, don’t act like less of a human being and start being ugly, take the compliment with a smile and a thank you.
Men and Women stop worrying about the next person’s life, it is not yours, not everyone wants your man or lady, not everyone wants anything you have and if they do and they aren’t physically harming you, just simply ignore them.
If we really want peace between the genders or at least a better understanding open dialog where everyone’s voice is heard is the best way to go, sit down and talk to someone of the opposite sex today, ask those questions, have fun.
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